


my salvation, my my

by sawankos



Category: Shall We Date?: Obey Me!
Genre: Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Forbidden Love, Love Confessions, M/M, Requited Love, Sad Ending, full of almosts
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-03-03
Updated: 2020-03-03
Packaged: 2021-02-28 05:55:40
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,397
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22998799
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sawankos/pseuds/sawankos
Summary: For the avatar of lust, love was not a choice he could make. It was one that he gave up as the sun came up the next day and he had to untangle himself from his beloved’s arms. It was one that he gave up as they said their farewells, acting like nothing had happened. It was one that he gave up as he watched Simeon disappear once more in brightness, taking all the light with him.
Relationships: Asmodeus (Shall We Date?: Obey Me!)/Simeon (Shall We Date?: Obey Me!)
Comments: 8
Kudos: 69





	my salvation, my my

**Author's Note:**

> hi listen to this song while reading it, it was on my playlist while writing this hehe https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wWttGChn5ZE

**_i. you are the avalanche, one world away_ **

Asmodeus is known for his tendency to jump from bed to bed, nights spent with his head thrown back, sighs escaping his lips, planting a kiss here and there. He’s been known for his sultry tone; the way his voice could lure any demon into his arms, into his room, but _god forbid_ , into his heart.

Asmodeus knew there was a difference between lust and love, and that love was an unfamiliar terrain — a door left untouched. He could even tell the way love looked: the warm blushes, the aversive glances, or even the way Mammon looked at their new comer in the House of Lamentation.

But as far as it goes, seeing it was different from feeling it. Afterall, he was the avatar of _lus_ t and not of love.

And this, no one knew, but he had made it a mission to learn what love meant, and why humans would fall into it over and over again. He wanted to understand why it made them dance without music or kill in the name of it.

And here is what he knows so far:

The universe did not start with a bang — you could ask Asmodeus. He was practically there in the beginning.

To Asmodeus, the universe and all of its grand existence came to be when a particular angel was born from light, the brightness of it contrasted by tan skin and dark hair. Indeed it was known that Asmodeus held the title of the most beautiful angel of them all — but this one, the one they called Simeon, was a fair rival to his enchanting looks.

Side by side, they looked nothing similar. Simeon did not have Asmodeus’ slender and easing to the eyes figure, and the latter did not have the strong but lithe build nor the slight bounce with which Simeon walked the halls of the Celestial Realm.

But even still, they were the talk of the town — how their beauty did not match any other. Their names were constantly plastered together like a prayer, one that Asmodeus, at least in his quarters all alone, prayed for each night.

Because here in Heaven, to fall for another boy was a grave, grave sin. Asmodeus wasn’t perfect, in fact, he was far from that. And the way his eyes lingered at Simeon’s tan forearms or the way his ears perked up when Simeon laughed was a sure fire sign of that.

**_ii. my make believing, while i’m wide awake_ **

When they were introduced for the very first time — _Asmodeus, fifth born, and the one the Morning Star deemed as incomparably beautiful, meet Simeon, Michael the Archangel’s right hand_ — the universe, for this one fifth born, finally began to spin into existence.

And it was cruel, _cruel_ fate that it had to revolve around one tanned skin angel named Simeon.

But what was even crueler was the war that raged amongst the realm that came a few eons afterward. Despite the attitude he kept up, Asmodeus didn’t blame Lucifer for going against their father. He didn’t blame anyone for their fall from grace, or for Lilith’s death — there was always an ease with which he accepted things. Perhaps because lust was a shallow thing, passionate, _yes_ , but never truly deep.

Asmodeus had resigned to never seeing Simeon again, and perhaps that was a good thing. Maybe it was just the way he was supposed to be punished. It didn’t hurt quite so much, after all down here in Devildom he could be with anyone he wanted.

So here he is again, another night, another bed, still the same hole in his heart left unfilled. He wondered if it meant he was to feel empty for eternity or that there really was someone meant for him.

_**iii. just a trick of light, to bring me back around again** _

Perhaps it was a belated response to his prayers, or just karma finally paying him some good, but when Diavolo hatched the plan for the exchange program and Simeon’s name was printed neatly on the parchment, a small flicker of hope ignited in Asmodeus’ chest.

When Simeon arrived, it was almost in the same way he was made into existence — a bright light and a white carriage. Asmodeus will never forget the hunger that rushed into him the moment Simeon stepped foot outside the carriage or the way his breath hitched when they first made eye contact.

“Simeon,” Diavolo spoke up. “Luke.”

The two angels nodded in acknowledgment, the shorter looking reluctant.

“Welcome to Devildom and I give you many thanks for agreeing to this exchange program.”

Simeon, always an angel, “It’s a pleasure to be here.”

His voice. _His voice._

Asmodeus had almost forgotten how he sounded like. There was a growing want at the pit of his stomach, likened to the hellfire that surrounded the outskirts of the kingdom. It made him want to throw up, or to cry, or both.

When Simeon smiled at him, it felt like he was whole again.

**_iv. those wild eyes, a psychedelic silhouette_ **

Of course, it was still just as hard to see Simeon when he wanted to. The angels and Solomon were situated at the Purgatory Hall, a long ways from the House of Lamentation. Classes were no exception, lest he repeat an entire year all over again.

Still, he wasn’t blind to all the glances Simeon was giving him from the front row of the class. Just brief, flicker of a moment, and always so piercing that he almost wanted to stare right back. Asmodeus wondered what it meant, if Simeon, much to his fickle heart’s desire, wanted him in some way or that there was just something on his face.

Any hope he had was extinguished every time he would see Simeon and Solomon together, laughing about something. He would then berate himself for ever hoping for something in the first place. Love, as he would learn, makes you burn in jealousy, deep in the pit of your stomach, up until it hurts.

And he didn’t like it one bit.

_**v. i never meant to fall for you, but i —** _

Diavolo’s castle was one thing, and the million dollar mansions up at the human realm was another. Asmodeus figured that if the humans would combine all the riches they had and built one entire house, it still would not come close to Diavolo’s castle. There were gold accents lining the staircase and ten-foot works of art hung on the walls. The light fixtures above them reflected diamonds all around the room, coloring all the party attendants in specks of light.

Most of Devildom’s important persons were present in Diavolo’s birthday celebration as well as the exchange students, much to Asmodeus’ delight. He made sure to wear his most stunning outfit tonight, deep red to match the velvet carpets of the dance floor, and just the right amount of revealing skin.

A few feet away, Mammon was babbling and blushing about, asking who probably was their human exchange student to a dance. Asmodeus giggled at this, watching as everyone was being whisked away to the dance floor. Lucifer and Diavolo were tucked in a corner, wine in hand and a glint in the latter’s eyes. Asmodeus searched for Simeon, who was nowhere to be found. He tried to pretend that he was a little disappointed — just a little.

“Fancy a dance?” a voice spoke up behind him.

Asmodeus jumped, almost hitting the fruit punch behind him. 

And there he was, in all his glory, taking Asmodeus’ breath away for the hundredth time.

“It seems everyone’s on the dance floor but you. What’s keeping you?” Simeon asked.

Asmodeus forced a smirk. “Why, I was waiting on you, darling.” He tried not to let it show that his heart was pounding in his chest.

Simeon scoffs. “Of course you were.”

He stretches out a hand and Asmodeus takes it, of course.

Simeon’s warm hands wrap around Asmodeus’ waist and Asmodeus finds it in himself not to blush heavily. He felt like Mammon earlier, with his pathetic invitation to a dance. Simeon looked like he wanted to say something, but Asmodeus beats him to the punch.

“What you said before,” he begins. Simeon raises his eyebrows in question.

“How you viewed me the same way as you did in the Celestial Realm — how come?”

“How come?” Simeon spins him around. “Because you’re still you, Asmo.”

Asmo lets out a laugh. “Trust me, I am far different from the way I used to be up there.”

“It doesn’t matter to me.”

This keeps Asmodeus quiet. They dance in silence for a couple of minutes while questions churn around and around in Asmodeus’ head.

“Do you still think I yearn to be loved?” he blurts out.

“I do.”

“But I can have anyone I want, you know,” he says a little forcefully. “I could have anyone love me.”

“I know that quite well.” Another spin. “Is it enough for you, then?”

Of course not. _I want you._

“It is,” Asmodeus says instead.

“I suppose anyone would want to be loved by the jewel of the heavens.”

“That’s not me anymore.” Asmodeus says, oddly vulnerable.

Simeon just smiles and loosens his grip as the song ends.

_**vi. was buried underneath and all that I could see was white** _

Asmodeus decided to confess, to set things straight. After all, the exchange program was ending and he would no longer see Simeon. Night after night, he would think about his little chat with Simeon during the dance

He figured some things out, and those things were that there is a difference with being in love and wanting to love and Asmodeus has yet to figure out what he wants.

He wants Simeon, and that was plain simple. Perhaps he was used to having anything and anyone he wanted. Perhaps this was all just a game to him. But that was for him to figure out along the way.

Asmodeus’ hand shakes as he grips them tightly on the rails of Purgatory Hall’s top floor terrace. The scene below them was Devildom at night, brightly colored lights spreading out below them like stars. The busy chatter of the streets still made their way up this height. The breeze was soft and cool to the touch and Simeon looked just as elegant in the moonlight.

“I’m sorry that I called you up here so late.”

Simeon chuckles. “It’s not like you to apologize.”

Asmodeus opens his mouth to retort.

“But,” Simeon interrupts. “It’s okay. I was up, anyway. I couldn’t sleep.”

Asmodeus nods. He lets them rest in the quiet for a few seconds.

“Simeon, there’s something that I want to say.” He manages to say without stuttering. “It might change the way you think of me, or you might call bullshit, but I’ll say it all the same.”

“Go on,” Simeon’s eyes are burning so intensely under the evening sky. It made Asmodeus feel naked, and not in the way that he was used to.

“I-“ he begins. “I’m in love with you. I have been. And I do. I remember loving you up in the heavens and loving you here. I remember loving you and that it hurt. It hurt that I loved you, but it would’ve hurt more if I didn’t. _God_ , you are so beautiful and that hurts me too. And I’ve tried to forget — you don’t know how much I’ve done to forget you. Slept with others, bought expensive things, give myself the love that I was looking for, and it’s not enough and it _hurts_ , it _really_ does.”

Asmodeus finally looks up after all that. Simeon’s eyes are wide and shining. After several moments, he speaks up.

“ _Asmo_ ,” he almost whispers. “I want you to stop hurting.”

This makes tears well up in his eyes. He had never experienced anything like this before.

“How?” his voice breaks.

“If I loved you, would it make things better?”

“Don’t say anything you don’t mean.”

“I mean it, Asmodeus. You may not know it, and I might be condemned here for saying it, but I do.”

“But,” Asmodeus stops. Simeon reaches his hand out to wipe away his tears. “You can’t. You can’t be with me and be up there, you _can’t._ ”

Simeon smiles sadly. “Lucifer, the pride of the Celestial Realm, loved by all of creation ... There was one angel he thought especially beautiful, one whom he praised and kept by his side — Asmodeus, jewel of the heavens.”

Asmodeus hiccups. Those familiar words come into play once more.

“Asmodeus, you are all that, and _my beloved_.” Simeon places a hand against Asmodeus’ cheek. “If I can’t have you forever, shall I have you for this one night?”

To this, Asmodeus says yes.

He says it with his lips, with the sighs that he lets out. He says it with an arched back and fingers gripping on silk sheets. He says it with each kiss he left on tanned skin and long lashes that brush against it. He says it with the hunger that burned painfully in his stomach and the way Simeon quenched it with each soft caress. Because yes, even here, Simeon is gentle and warm, and so _so_ good.

And he says it like a prayer, the same one he prayed each night up in heaven. It’s the same song, the same lullaby, one wrapped in sadness and almosts and what ifs.

What if he had stayed with Simeon all these years? What if they had been human and he died with him in a different war? What if Simeon were to fall from grace? What if Asmodeus didn’t love him in the first place? What if Simeon didn’t love him back? What if they could have been, if the world was not so against them?

It was cruel, cruel fate.

For the avatar of lust, love was not a choice he could make. It was one that he gave up as the sun came up the next day and he had to untangle himself from his beloved’s arms. It was one that he gave up as they said their farewells, acting like nothing had happened. It was one that he gave up as he watched Simeon disappear once more in brightness, taking all the light with him.

_**my salvation, my my** _

**Author's Note:**

> aaand that's it! i love this pairing so much but there's little to no content ;; 
> 
> oh and please do leave kudos or comments hehe i had so many feelings while writing this


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